Happy Halloween!!

... So many times in my life, the right person came into my life at the right time... Everyone comes into our lives for a reason...the reason might not always be immediately clear.... but I truly believe their purpose is real.

The challenge of keeping your mouth shut when you want to talk but need to keep "it" professional...

... Just a random thought/ frustration for my day:

Sometimes it's really damn hard to avoid stepping up, standing out and letting your true thoughts flow out of you because of a need to maintain a level of professionalism.

I realize that this is not a frustration that is unique to my personal work situation; "it's just life sunshine: suck it up and deal with it" right? Yes... I know....

My frustration has nothing to do with my dealings with my clients... more-so it's about industry politics, review boards, and all that gossip and ridiculousness that comes hand-in-hand with being a "popular" woman working in the adult industry where the internet is such a key part of day-to-day life and where the hype created by mostly-anonymous people posting on the net can and does affect business.

I could lay all my thoughts out nicely... I could sit back and let the words flow out of me. I could write all about interactions I've had with other "players" in this game and throw a metaphorical punch back at a few people who tried, (and still try... which makes absolutely no sense to me since now, as an independent, I have no interaction with them, nor am I really competing with them) to knock me out; due to competition, jealousy, ego, or whatever other motivation that I don't understand. But my name is attached to my words unlike those who ignited this desire I have to talk; they didn't play fair from the start and since then I've kinda felt like there's really nothing I can do other than keep my head up and hope that anyone who has watched things play-out can see what really happened despite the veil, (which is to me so transparent).

I've had a few feisty moments where I was fed up and defended myself to a point... but I realize that unless I want to be labeled as a "shit disturber" by people who are ignorant to the truth... it's tough to fight fair with someone who doesn't without it backfiring right back in your face.

Does the truth always prevail? Do nice girls finish first? I dunno... sometimes it's tough to feel really optimistic about the answer to those one... I guess time will tell.

I killed a brain cell

After speaking with a friend who is still involved in the spa world, I was urged to take a look at one of the review boards this morning.

I`ve purposely stayed away for a few months... only a quick glance very very occasionally, (compared to a time when I was a review board addict... it`s a huge change for me).

Let me just say that not only do I feel like I killed a few braincells with my quick looksie... but also... gawd... k - honestly I simply don`t have enough time at the moment to write about this; I have a HELLUVA lot to say and need to be in the mood to start talking. But expect a rant in the next little while.

The spa world = Drama drama drama drama. I`m so glad it`s not part of my life anymore.

More Music To Share

Just a few more songs I likey... :)

Lovage... the running dialogue throughout the song might offend.. (hopefully not). I just love the lead singer's sexy voice. I found this band around the same time that I started-out in the industry... Listening to this track used to put me into "work mode" lol



... Not a track that I would play during a session.. but one of my favorite songs. I love Portishead.



I'm not usually a fan of hip hop but I reallly like a lot of Madlib's work:



I love Esthero:



This song is soooo incredibly sexy:



Sexy house track about stripping. It`s a tad depressing but ... it`s been making me dance lately :P

and just one of my all-time favourite songs... Radiohead -ahhh



... I realize I might be over-doing the music thing lol. My apologies... Music is most-certainly one of my greatest passions and I haven`t been in the mood to dig into industry politics lately... Music is more interesting to me lately lol.

Good-bye Summer 2009...

Whew... that was it?

I'm glad really... fall is always a fresh start.

It has been a summer filled with a lot of fun times with my wonderful friends.
It has also been a summer where I ran into a bit of bad luck lol. I cracked a rib (which affected my ability to work for six weeks. Sometimes the pain was manageable, other days I would have to cancel the remainder of my day after my first session.), and I lost my third iPhone (unfortunately, once you go iPhone, you just can't go back..lol)

I did a lot of self-reflection and I thought a lot about my work.

I went through a phase of having difficulty getting into my work "mode". It wasn't necessarily that my job was "bothering" me... more-so - now that I work on my own and don't really talk to many other girls who are involved in the industry (other than a small handful of friends), I guess I started to feel a bit pulled in two different directions. When I worked in spas, the majority of my friends were co-workers. Over the past year, I became a bit more of a social butterfly, finding some amazing friends in the "real" world. A lot of these friends don't know what I do for a living... and I guess I found it difficult to lead a "double-life".

One of my biggest self-admitted personality flaws is the fact that I can get passive avoidant. I became very passive avoidant with my work. I did not do a good job in replying to e-mails in a timely fashion or getting back to the flood of voice mails I would get on a daily basis. I knew damn well that I wasn't doing my best in being on-top of the communication side of my job... The perfectionist in me would beat myself up over it... but the passive avoidant side of me didn't want to think of the ways in which I had done a poor job... So I just stopped checking my e-mails... I didn't want to see the unread message count... For this, I sincerely apologize. There's no real excuse and it was extremely unprofessional of me... I realize that many people took a lot of time and put a lot of thought into writing me, genuinely wanting to meet me... and I did not give them the respect of replying. I am sorry and I want you to know that I genuinely appreciate your notes and I will read every single one of them, (even though it may be too late to matter). I promise you that any notes that I receive to my e-mail account will be answered within 24 hours from here-forth.

Matt is my phone receptionist. He is also one of my best friends. Deciding to get him to handle my same-day appointment booking and getting him to answer my phones while I am working has made my life easier and helped me improve my level of customer service). It also makes me feel safer as he is in constant contact with me throughout my working day.

I'm trying to set a more structured schedule for myself. It's difficult to operate professionally when everything is flexible. Set start and end times help. Going into work whenever I feel like it isn't a good method of operating for me.

I realize a lot of people might have taken personal offence or might have thought that I was avoiding them... That is not the case.


So I want to apologize to anyone I might have irritated over the past little while. I can and will do better.

It's all about the music....

I love sexy, dark music. Within the last year, I have fallen madly in love with electronic music; especially the kind of hard, "dirty", make you wanna move, tribally, techy, house music that can be found in Toronto's underground club scene. My musical tastes, however, cover a broad range of genres and artists.

While I'm "working", I find the music playing in the background to be of huge importance. Music sets the pace. The right music can affect the way I move, the way I touch... In my opinion, sensuality and massage; especially the type of massage I provide, (ie. "bodyslide") go hand-in-hand. Being sensual means being aware,absorbing, being in-tune, using the senses to full-potential and just flowing.

I think of a body-slide as if it were a sensual dance, the music dictates the metaphorical, (or sometimes literal lol) steps. How can we flow if the music sucks? :p

In some of the spas I worked at in the past, I made little mixes of tunes for us to play; I tried so hard to keep everyone happy with my track selections so they would keep letting me pick what we played in the rooms out of fear, (seriously... I know maybe I'm being dramatic hehe...) of them playing something that I couldn't get into my "groove" to. Ya.. I probably annoyed my employers by constantly feeding them new cds.. but Gawd - when I didn't dig the music that was playing, I felt like the quality of the sessions I was providing went down.

Now that I work on my own, of course I get to call the shots on what I play. What you might hear will range, depending on my mood... regardless, it will be something that makes me feel sexy.

Depeche Mode is right up there in the hierarchy of go-to artists for yummy, sexy tunes:





like helloooooo? yum! ;)

Amy Winehouse.... ya she's not the most put-together of girls... but her music ooozes sexy:


"Music to make love to your old Lady to" is an album that was put out by a collaboration of artists called "Lovage". The title of the album says it all...


... and I looooove Portishead; probably my favourite band. Pretty-much every track they have ever released is amazing:



I have soooooo many more faves... if I don't control myself, this blog could end up being more of a memoir about music lol.... Just a few tunes to share :)

By the way - I looooove finding new music and am always open to suggestions ;)